During coursework, it was comparatively easier for me to"ignore" friends who were visiting and spend my time reading or writing instead. Now that I am working on my dissertation, I am finding it hard for me have friends over to my place at all. When they come, I feel guilty for not entertaining them.
I could not figure out why I felt so differently. Until now.
During coursework, I had to report to a professor. There was a deadline imposed upon me. And since all of my friends understoodd what it is like to have to meet a project deadline (or get it trouble with the professor), it was easy for me to excuse myself from their presence to meet my deadline. I was still a "good person," just busy.
However, any deadline for my dissertation is self-imposed. To ignore friends when they visit now feels more like self-centeredness. I have no professor on whom to blame my inhospitable behavior. I am just rude, or bad, or selfish to not spend time interacting with them. In addition, because this dissertation takes so long to do, it feels like I am forever ignoring them.
Perhaps I just have a problem with discipline. If I could discipline myself to get the work done *when* I am supposed to do it, then I could very well balance family, social, and dissertating life a lot better than I am currently doing it.
To whip or not to whip myself. That is the question.
9 months ago